Christmas is in 8 days. All of the “12 Days of Christmas” lists started 4 days ago. We’ve purposely waited a few days to give you the “12 Days of Christmas You DON’T Want To See Under Your Tree”.
#12 The worst ugly Christmas sweater from eBay you can possibly imagine.
Especially if it came with a Jack Black impersonator.
#11 Gym membership from husband.
#10 Justin Bieber mechandise.
Unless your name happens to be Annie Cushing.
#9 Sex For Dummies book from wife.
New and updated 3rd Edition, because getting the first 2 wasn’t enough in previous years.
#8 Gift card to AA from Santa with a 6-pack of non-alcoholic beer.
#7 Court ordered Subpoena with 5 days to reply.
Especially if your lawyer is in the Bahamas until after New Years.
#5 A recluse spider in your stocking.
Very common in areas around Tulsa, OK. Maybe coal isn’t such a bad option!
#4 Unused tickets to the Neverland Ranch.
Includes shiny right-handed glove and “live” meet and greet with its original owner.
#3 An all expense paid tour of one of BP’s oil rigs.
They’ll even let you play with the fire hose.
#2 An imitation iPad that runs Windows 7.
#1 An ant farm.
I mean, come on! How enraged would you be if you actually got an ant farm!? Unless your name is Thomas Ballantyne, then it might look good next to your scorpion aquarium.