Christmas is in 8 days. All of the “12 Days of Christmas” lists started 4 days ago. We’ve purposely waited a few days to give you the “12 Days of Christmas You DON’T Want To See Under Your Tree”.
#12 The worst ugly Christmas sweater from eBay you can possibly imagine.
Especially if it came with a Jack Black impersonator.
Ugly Christmas Sweater
#11 Gym membership from husband.
Gym Membership Gift Certificate
#10 Justin Bieber mechandise.
Unless your name happens to be Annie Cushing.
Justin Bieber Doll Set
#9 Sex For Dummies book from wife.
New and updated 3rd Edition, because getting the first 2 wasn’t enough in previous years.
Sex For Dummies, 3rd Edition
#8 Gift card to AA from Santa with a 6-pack of non-alcoholic beer.
Non-Alcholic Beer and AA Membership
#7 Court ordered Subpoena with 5 days to reply.
Especially if your lawyer is in the Bahamas until after New Years.
#5 A recluse spider in your stocking.
Very common in areas around Tulsa, OK. Maybe coal isn’t such a bad option!
Brown Recluse Spider (Courtesy: lakeneosho.org)
#4 Unused tickets to the Neverland Ranch.
Includes shiny right-handed glove and “live” meet and greet with its original owner.
Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch (Courtesy: the PASSION blog)
#3 An all expense paid tour of one of BP’s oil rigs.
They’ll even let you play with the fire hose.
BP Oil Rig
Fake iPad with Windows OS (Courtesy: coated.com)
#1 An ant farm.
I mean, come on! How enraged would you be if you actually got an ant farm!? Unless your name is Thomas Ballantyne, then it might look good next to your scorpion aquarium.
Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Bulwark Exterminating. Your Loco Pest Control – Tulsa, OK.